Recently I had some reoccurring dreams that I was really drunk in social situations. When I first woke up it felt so real, I thought it had happened for a moment. It happened a few times over a period of a week and each time it felt so intense, bringing up emotions I had not felt in a long time. I knew my energy and body were clearing some deep layers as I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in 2 years and even the previous few years leading up to that point of letting it fully go, it had only been a twice a year thing for an occasion or holiday.
The dreams have made me reflect on my journey with it. Breaking away from the shackles of alcohol has been one of the most liberating choices I have ever made, if not the most. It has set me free. It was initially one of the hardest things I have done though when I first started letting it go 5 years ago, as I had to face crippling social anxiety, pain and emotion which had been buried. From 2014 it took 3 years of processing to get to the point when I knew in every cell of my being that it was 100% not for me anymore and to recognise the only part of me that might was due to conditioning and fear of being different/boring for not drinking. It is not an overnight thing. It is a process. One which will be unique to everyone.
The conditioning around alcohol is so deep in our society. I often wonder why it is so accepted when it can cause such deep rooted issues and it is no different to any other drug? Over the years I have had many reaching out to me for guidance around letting go of toxic lifestyles. It is incredible to see many are waking up and noticing that it does not serve them anymore. This is not about having judgement for a party lifestyle or looking down on alcohol. It is about helping people to realise that everything they need is already inside, so they know they do not need anything external to bring joy, connection and love. In fact it can often bring up or heighten low vibrational emotions like shame and anxiety, so that feeling of numbness or escapism is only temporary. I have found a sober lifestyle to be the gift that keeps on giving.
Making this choice allowed me to face all parts of myself, especially my shadows, insecurities and fears because suddenly I had nowhere else to hide. That is the beauty of it. You get to know yourself in a way that you could never do through any drug or drink. You know that if uncomfortable feelings arise you have to deal with them, rather than push them down until they rise up later often stronger and fiercer. It ignites such profound growth. It is not an easy road but one that is worth taking because once you get to a certain point in the journey you feel more free than ever before. It feels beyond incredible to say my desire for alcohol is no longer there. That is when I knew something had really shifted a couple of years ago, when I tuned into my authentic desire around it and noticed that I did not have any at all. The conditioning has gone. I have attended so many significant events sober in the past few years of my life from my own engagement in Ibiza, holidays, weddings, hens, festivals, Christmas, new year, birthdays. I can honestly say I never considered it. It is just a way of life now. There has not been one moment where I have felt I was missing out by being sober. It has been the opposite, I have found that being fully present and grounded in social situations has meant I feel even more connected to myself, others and the experience. I can still dance the night away and cry with laughter. I want to be in my body. I want to feel all the feels. From someone who has lived the other end of the spectrum, spending almost 10 years of my life intoxicated every weekend until 5 years ago, I can safely say I have made the right choice and I would go through the darkness again and again to be where I am now <3